The Hot Young Widows Club

February 18, 2019
Terrible, Thanks for Asking podcast host McInerny (No Happy Endings) offers advice on dealing with grief in this slim, wise volume. After her husband Aaron died of brain cancer at 35, McInerny, then 31, and a fellow widow founded the club of the title, and McInerny’s brash brand of grieving without apology inspired her, at the suggestion of a friend, to start podcast and a nonprofit, Still Kickin, dedicated to providing support and services for those in grief. With such tips as creating “an incomplete list” of things that feel normal for the grieving person (wearing your dead husband’s socks, fighting over the wording of an obituary) and how to set boundaries (feel free to ghost, be upfront about your emotions), she provides comfort for those who have lost a loved one. In the latter half of the book, McInerny turns her attention to those surrounding the grieving person. She outlines easy ways to comfort soeone experiencing grief: it’s helpful to say the grieving person’s name and to have a mental list of things to talk about (she provides a conversation template for readers who are lost on what to say). McInerny’s simple and effective advice will be valuable for anyone who has survived a loss.

February 15, 2019
The latest installment of the TED Books series is a book "not just for those who have survived the death of a spouse, but for anyone who has loved someone who died, or who has loved someone who loved someone who died."In the space of a few months, McInerny (It's Okay to Laugh: (Crying Is Cool Too), 2016, etc.) lost a pregnancy, her father, and her husband. Understandably falling into a deep pit of grief, she discovered others who were stuck there as well. While she slowly rebuilt her life, she noticed that while there are plenty of assumptions about mourning and grieving people, there was no playbook for the aggrieved. In this concise exploration of "foundational loss," the author shares her thoughts on how she made it through her most difficult moments and provides readers with the guidelines that worked for her--and didn't. Although the subject makes for tough reading, McInerny approaches it with practicality ("order as many death certificates as you can afford") and humor ("you have no idea how hard it is to prove someone is dead until your person dies"). Refreshingly, she breaks this grim and challenging topic into bite-sized pieces. She counsels readers to tell your loved ones that you really are not OK, that it is normal to feel like your brain is overloaded, and what to write in a sympathy card (there's a template for those at a loss for words). Even though the book is short--as all TED Books are--it includes an impressive amount of helpful information about how anyone can deal with grief. It should be required reading for nearly everyone, since, sadly, "everyone you know will die and...each death will bring a fresh new brand of grief."Inspirational and candid information on a topic most of us never want to think about until we are forced to confront it.

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